It’s Valentines Day….which is all about love and romance. But does your libido need a search and rescue team? A healthy libido is a sign of a healthy woman.

man and woman in bed

Is your libido missing in action?


Being libido-less is a modern issue caused by several things, but most notably by physiological and mental stressors. Something tells me that our ancestors enjoyed a romp in the hay far more frequently than we do today.

Why might that be?

Being constantly connected to our phones.
Working long hours in soul sucking jobs.
Sitting in traffic and the pollution it generates.
Taking on too many commitments and responsibilities.
Not eating enough vibrant, whole, fresh food.
Being exposed to toxins in our personal care products that confuse our endocrine system.

There’s more, but you get my drift…

All of this happens at the expense of our sex life.

Being “in the mood” requires a good, safe relationship that allows desire to happen, but it also needs properly functioning hormones.

Beyond the distractions and stress of everyday life, there is actually something more going on behind the scenes that causes a loss of libido – Out of balance hormones.

The hormone that mostly drives sexual desire is testosterone but estrogen, progesterone and oxytocin (the “love” hormone) all play a supporting role in libido.

Where does cortisol (the stress hormone) fit into this?

When we are under constant stress our body is continuously releasing cortisol in response. Our body becomes more preoccupied with keeping us alive and maintaining essential balance while non-essential functions (such as sex, digestion and growth) are thwarted.

That’s right…. Chronic stress kills libido every time. That stress can be mental (fight with your spouse, errant teens, office drama at the workplace) or physiological (gut bugs, inflammation, unadressed food sensitivites)

In addition to stress affecting our testosterone, estrogen and progesterone, a high output of cortisol also suppresses oxytocin, the love hormone.

Oxytocin is released with orgasm, while playing, laughing, hugging and giving and positive affirmation.

There is hope for your low libido, but it takes intention and attention!

It is possible to nurture your libido back, and it not about just topping off lost hormones, ie. slapping on some testoerone cream.

To get your sexy back, you must address what is causing your cortisol to be so high while also getting oxytocin on the scene more often.

Here’s how nto stimulate oxytocin…


  • Hug, laugh and play more
  • Stare deeply into the eyes of someone you love
  • Meditate
  • Do deep breathing
  • Go upside down (throw your legs up on the wall, do a yoga pose)


Think this sounds too simple to be helpful? Here’s why this stuff works: They help you get out of “fight or flight” mode and instantly relieve stress.  Even just a few minutes a day can have a huge impact on your overall health and thus your libido

To reduce even more chronic stress and cortisol release,  you can also:

  • Eat an anti-inflammatory diet free of gluten, dairy, sugar and soy
  • Get in bed by 10pm
  • Try yoga or chi-gong once or twice a week

To better understand your cortisol and hormone balance as it relates to your sex drive, you can also do a simple urine test in the comfort of your own home.

Testing your cortisol and sex hormones gives you insights on how to improve your health and libido by using food, sleep, exercise, stress reducing tools and targeted supplements.

However, hormone tests are not all created equal.  To truly evaluate cortisol balance you need to be able to see the rhythm of your cortisol throughout the day.  A urine test is best as it allows you to take several different samples during the day to see the rhythm and flow versus a blood test that only shows your morning cortisol, a small piece of the picture and just not enough data to draw any meaningful conclusions about your cortisol levels.

Understanding the health of your cortisol rhythm will assist you in getting your sexy back!  My favorite way to help women is by using the DUTCH test. If you would like to find out more about this can help you, you can book a complimentary consultation with me right here.